Lap Dance for the Lizard Brain

If modern society is optimised for any one thing, it might be the triggering of our strongest emotions. When this is done effectively, we lose control of ourselves to become putty in the hands of those forces in society who seek to exercise dominion over us. Whether that move for power takes the form of attempted manipulation/influence, gas-lighting or the exposing of our personal weaknesses/insecurities, the benefit to them in having us temporarily forgo our capacity for calm and reasoned thought is the rash impulsiveness that makes for poor decision making around our dealings with them.

Product marketers know this well, that when we are fed messages about items that promise to reconcile a perceived deficiency in our identity, we will be more willing to part with our money for them. Social media companies and their algorithms are also engineered to give more reach to content that uses polarising rhetoric, which has been found to drive engagement on their platforms and generate revenue in the form of advertising dollars. In public discourse on contentious political and social justice issues, it is understood by politicians and journalists that baiting an opponent or guest into saying something that compromises their social standing can be used as a form of leverage to gain the moral high ground, or strengthen a narrative that serves their ideological agenda.

In the age of cancel culture, getting triggered can also have grave consequences for one’s reputation and employment, as many a user on Twitter and other social media platforms have learned as they eschewed the wise advice to sleep on the substance of their message, before pressing ‘send’ or ‘post’. As good as it can feel in the moment to transfer whatever intense emotion we are feeling out into the world, we are often blinded as we do this because what we don’t realise is that during these moments, our rational thinking apparatus has in effect been hijacked. So instead of communicating a well thought out, balanced and nuanced perspective or response to an issue, what moves from us falls far short of that standard, and too often contributes to the extremes of opinion that convolute rather than clarify the true nature of things, which invariably sits closer to the middle of the ‘reality’ spectrum.  

A hack to avoiding this pitfall, which coalesces with the reasons why I’m not on most forms of social media, is to recognise that you will rarely have the time to become properly informed on issues, before you would want to comment on them. By internalising this knowing, we are engendered with humility about our limitations in really understanding what is going on with a particular issues. So complex have most facets of our social life become that they are beyond comprehension to most people, and to really flesh them out with any depth would require a think tank of multiple experts across fields. Given this, regardless of who the one person offering their commentary is, there is bound to be a shortfall of understanding in what they are conveying.

Being able to comprehend this, is just as important for those who are receiving this messaging, as it is for those who are doing the messaging themselves. When we are reading a post on social media or some other forum and we feel a swell of emotion building inside of us, one of the things we can do is remember that whatever this person is offering, it comes from their unique vantage point that is likely to be limited in some important respects. In offering this view, I am not presenting it as a ready-made reason to discredit that information or source, particularly if it is a perspective that we may be inclined to disagree with. At this time of hyper-reactive partisanship, the cutting down of opponents for the simplest reasons is made all too easy, but if on both sides we can choose to vulnerably lean into an awareness of this susceptibility, then this would serve the purpose of building bridges and stimulate compassion for others’ good faith efforts to contribute solutions to the problems that we collectively face. After all, if any one person had the perspicacity to see the whole picture for humanity, then we wouldn’t need to listen to what each other have to say.  

While no doubt the title of this entry presents an absurd metaphor, it serves a valuable reminder that when our brain’s limbic system has been activated, we need to be proactive in calming it down before we are led to take actions that we might later regret. Whatever works in the context of our unique circumstances can be utilised to bring us closer to the exercise of response-ability, whether that be a quick walk or timeout, meditation, or breathing exercise. My hope at least is that if you need an interruption point between stimulus and reaction, the remembering if this post’s title can give you the cause to pause that could save you from this most primitive part of yourself.      

The Paradox of Selfishness and Selflessness (Part 2)

While of course it is important to not neglect others, particularly those who are dependent on us for care or supervision, I believe that sometimes we can use our responsibilities as an excuse to not exercise the self-care that is required to morph into the best version of ourselves. In an age where busyness has become a status symbol, I am dubious of people who exhibit the characteristics of a martyr, and wear themselves so thin in the effort to be seen as good that they drastically inhibit their innate capacity to flourish and feel energised by life. When we are living our calling, and thus serving the world from the fullness of who we are, our work is not draining, but sustaining, and if we are feeling hollowed and depleted by our dance on the treadmill of life, it may indicate that we have partnered with the ego in playing the role of someone who is acting selflessly for selfish motives. With this, don’t underestimate the cunning of this false self in using the veneer of perception to draw to itself the attention and recognition that bolsters the strength of its identity in us.

Virtue signalling has become so prevalent in our culture for this very reason, and across a range of domains we can see a multitude of examples where the goodness that is sought to be displayed does not have a firm foundation in the source of that messaging. In politics, we are implored to support an initiative under the pretence of the common good, when the real motive behind that push is a power driven desire to be re-elected into office. Within the religious domain, what we see with this is a mode of behaving which hypocritically teaches to do as I say, not do as I do, and directly contradicts the spiritual basis of the tenets on which those institutions rest. The greenwashing of products in the corporate world shows how some businesses are exploiting the desire of consumers to do good for the planet through their buying decisions, in order to strengthen their bottom lines. Even in the fields of marketing and branding, I frequently see a massive disconnect between what is sought to be presented to consumers in the market and how these individuals and businesses conduct themselves in order to make a sale. Just like you, I receive a number of mass marketing materials every day in which the sender tacitly seeks to affirm that they know better than I what is in my best interests, and luckily for me that just happens to be the product or service that they are graciously offering as a panacea for my supposed dysfunction.

Understand here that such hubris and striving to gain through the guise of giving is the work of the ego. Whatever is the hole that we have within ourselves as a result of turning away from our spiritual nature, we will be compelled to fill it with an absence of the awareness that what we are doing is readily transparent to those who have tended to their garden of self-knowledge and dutifully uprooted the weeds of their own unconscious behaviour. So arrogant is the ego that only it believes it is successfully pulling the wool over everyone’s eyes, but what it fails to realise is that not everybody accedes to be so deceived, even if they don’t call out the source of that duplicity themselves. When we connect to the source of consciousness within ourselves, we learn pretty quickly to leave those who are stuck in playing the martyr or victim alone until they can learn the lessons that they are so intent on denying. We needn’t be drawn into their dysfunction and feel bad or guilty about this, as these individuals will still have the company of co-dependent others who serve their own selfish motives by playing into and reinforcing these helpless and destructive roles. As one of my research respondents wisely commented about this point, sometimes you need to let others go and let them grow.

If we are to be truly selfless in relation to another, we won’t seek to make them an instrument of our wholeness. Selfless love, that liberates rather than enslaves, is whole unto itself and doesn’t require anyone to complete it. Such a pseudo romantic notion that has been perpetuated by movies such as Jerry Maguire plays into this egocentric and selfish idea of love where we will shower our affection or praise on another if they agree to give us what we want. But really, is this any less of a manipulation that is engaged in by a corporate entity who agrees to take your money in exchange for a dream that they have sold you which is not real.