Lap Dance for the Lizard Brain

If modern society is optimised for any one thing, it might be the triggering of our strongest emotions. When this is done effectively, we lose control of ourselves to become putty in the hands of those forces in society who seek to exercise dominion over us. Whether that move for power takes the form of attempted manipulation/influence, gas-lighting or the exposing of our personal weaknesses/insecurities, the benefit to them in having us temporarily forgo our capacity for calm and reasoned thought is the rash impulsiveness that makes for poor decision making around our dealings with them.

Product marketers know this well, that when we are fed messages about items that promise to reconcile a perceived deficiency in our identity, we will be more willing to part with our money for them. Social media companies and their algorithms are also engineered to give more reach to content that uses polarising rhetoric, which has been found to drive engagement on their platforms and generate revenue in the form of advertising dollars. In public discourse on contentious political and social justice issues, it is understood by politicians and journalists that baiting an opponent or guest into saying something that compromises their social standing can be used as a form of leverage to gain the moral high ground, or strengthen a narrative that serves their ideological agenda.

In the age of cancel culture, getting triggered can also have grave consequences for one’s reputation and employment, as many a user on Twitter and other social media platforms have learned as they eschewed the wise advice to sleep on the substance of their message, before pressing ‘send’ or ‘post’. As good as it can feel in the moment to transfer whatever intense emotion we are feeling out into the world, we are often blinded as we do this because what we don’t realise is that during these moments, our rational thinking apparatus has in effect been hijacked. So instead of communicating a well thought out, balanced and nuanced perspective or response to an issue, what moves from us falls far short of that standard, and too often contributes to the extremes of opinion that convolute rather than clarify the true nature of things, which invariably sits closer to the middle of the ‘reality’ spectrum.  

A hack to avoiding this pitfall, which coalesces with the reasons why I’m not on most forms of social media, is to recognise that you will rarely have the time to become properly informed on issues, before you would want to comment on them. By internalising this knowing, we are engendered with humility about our limitations in really understanding what is going on with a particular issues. So complex have most facets of our social life become that they are beyond comprehension to most people, and to really flesh them out with any depth would require a think tank of multiple experts across fields. Given this, regardless of who the one person offering their commentary is, there is bound to be a shortfall of understanding in what they are conveying.

Being able to comprehend this, is just as important for those who are receiving this messaging, as it is for those who are doing the messaging themselves. When we are reading a post on social media or some other forum and we feel a swell of emotion building inside of us, one of the things we can do is remember that whatever this person is offering, it comes from their unique vantage point that is likely to be limited in some important respects. In offering this view, I am not presenting it as a ready-made reason to discredit that information or source, particularly if it is a perspective that we may be inclined to disagree with. At this time of hyper-reactive partisanship, the cutting down of opponents for the simplest reasons is made all too easy, but if on both sides we can choose to vulnerably lean into an awareness of this susceptibility, then this would serve the purpose of building bridges and stimulate compassion for others’ good faith efforts to contribute solutions to the problems that we collectively face. After all, if any one person had the perspicacity to see the whole picture for humanity, then we wouldn’t need to listen to what each other have to say.  

While no doubt the title of this entry presents an absurd metaphor, it serves a valuable reminder that when our brain’s limbic system has been activated, we need to be proactive in calming it down before we are led to take actions that we might later regret. Whatever works in the context of our unique circumstances can be utilised to bring us closer to the exercise of response-ability, whether that be a quick walk or timeout, meditation, or breathing exercise. My hope at least is that if you need an interruption point between stimulus and reaction, the remembering if this post’s title can give you the cause to pause that could save you from this most primitive part of yourself.      

Questioning the Utility of Affirmations

My intention for this piece is to look at affirmations and determine whether they are a useful tool in allowing those who practice them to create a more prosperous life. Affirmations are guiding or empowering statements that when routinely repeated are thought to change behaviour or one’s self-concept to better reflect a desired state of being. An example of such a statement could be, ‘everything I do either helps or hurts my prospects of success’. The purpose of such an affirmation would be to remind the person reciting it that each of their behaviours are consequential in creating a life that leads them either closer towards a desired outcome or further away from it. I must admit, when I was younger, I used to recite affirmations quite frequently as a part of my self-improvement regimen, but as I have gotten older and more foundationally aligned with the guiding purpose of my life, I have moved away from practicing them, principally because I have a more solid understanding of who I now am and how I should be orienting myself in the world. Despite this, I sometimes wonder whether I would be served by reintegrating them into my routine, so my hope here is that this examination will provide some clarity on whether I should do just that.

In what can often be a very shallow and opaque self-help environment, people can be led to believe that affirmations work like magic, and that if we put certain messages out into the universe, that an energy that is resonant with those messages will be returned to improve the quality of our life. I am not a subscriber to this kind of belief that was popularised by movies like ‘The Secret’. Where I think that affirmations are most useful is as an anchoring force towards an aspirational future state that we can effect by our own efforts. So in the example affirmation that I have stated above, when a person recites it, they are reminded that ultimately they are responsible for their actions, and that these actions have both positive and negative implications in the short and long term periods of their life. Centring them further in this reality as the affirmation is repeated, they are also led to become more aware and present to this locus of control that exists within, but is so often eschewed by the imposition of external forces which can convince the person that they are an impotent victim of circumstance.

For those of us who are inclined towards the self-help space, there exists a recognition of an ever present gap between where we currently are in our development and where we aspire to be at a future time after having worked on ourselves. Like the setting of goals that orient us towards those future points, affirmations serve a similar function but with less of the end in mind (depending of course on what the substance of the affirmation is). Being more concerned with the processual elements of who we need to become in order to reach those goals and beyond, they are perhaps more important in being able to ensure our sustained success towards that end. In my own experience, the affirmations that are most effective in altering our self-concept for the better are those that incorporate the first person ‘I’ into their wording. These types of affirmations also avoid the pitfall of relating to things that we have very little control over. For example, an affirmation like ‘others respond to me with enthusiasm and engagement’ puts the cart before the horse of what we can practically control through our own behaviour. While we can’t make others respond to us in this intended way because that is something that they exclusively have control over, we can affirm to ourselves that we are filled with the enthusiasm that engages us in something meaningful which others might want to follow if we are being congruous in feeling that enthusiasm.

Words are just that, words, but for affirmations to be given effect, they must be capable of being embodied. This is why they must be realistic and not pie in the sky or akin to a wish. An affirmation that would seek to have us win the lotto lacks the causative factor that is necessary to make it a reality. Yes, we can buy a number of lottery tickets as we go about affirming this desire, but too much remains beyond our limited control for this to materialise. Even if we were to adopt such an affirmation and somehow win the lotto, it wouldn’t bring us any feeling of fulfilment in what we have found because we would know that luck has played more of a pivotal part in something that we haven’t earned by our own efforts.

But, by contrast, with the ‘I’ centred affirmations described above, these require the cultivation of character or other deep seated virtues that are their own reward for the journey that the genuine embodiment of the substance of those affirmations enables us to take. These are the real, but often overlooked ‘riches’ that are more valuable than the end points that we seek out, often at the ego’s prompting (for the desired end state of winning the lotto, this can hardly be said to be motivated by benevolent purposes such as giving the money to charity or the advancement of other worthy causes – typically, this philanthropy is undertaken by those who have earned their money through entrepreneurial ventures or by other diligent means that have required sacrifice on their part). One form of these riches that affirmations can cultivate is the moving from a state of doubt to conviction in a domain such as the living of our life purpose or calling.

Maybe an affirmation that centres on our vocation reads as follows, ‘I serve and enrich others as I teach them about the importance of holistic (mental, physical and spiritual) health and well-being’. When you started out using the affirmation (or a more relevant variant of it), it was likely adopted because of a disconnect that you felt between your work and the meaning that it held for you. Engendering in you a sense of doubt that you were on purpose in your life, the initial benefit of articulating the affirmation in words is that it clarifies the ‘why’ component of your calling that constitutes a fundamental building block of belief as you resolve to recite the affirmation on a ritualistic basis. Whereas before you may have gone about your work without a conscious recognition of how your efforts were serving the needs of those others, by keeping a reminder of your daily impacts before your eyes, you gain a stronger faith in the difference you are making to their lives. Improving the qualitative experience of your lived calling, this manifests not only in greater levels of fulfilment as you go about your work, but also in better outcomes for those you serve and enrich. Begetting even greater faith in the necessity of your inspired work, the bridge to conviction won’t long be crossed to where you harbour no doubts about the path you are on and the capacity for positive transformation that it has in the world.

As with most things, affirmations can be adopted to serve shallow or substantive purposes. What I hope to have established here is their utility in serving the latter which enhances not only the individual life of the affirmer but also the conditions of the external world which our personal flourishing can’t help but permeate. For these reasons, I think that affirmations can be a valuable tool for future manifestation of a desired state of being if they are authentic to the person and animate them with the internal resources that are needed to actualise the higher version of themselves that is envisioned.

Observing the Veil of Time (Part 4)

In the law, as in other professions, the habit of immersing one’s self in greater levels of activity is often how they compensate for this felt loss of control over their life (‘doing’ to allay the feeling of being ‘done to’). But rather than helping these people regain a sense of autonomy over their circumstances, it unsurprisingly only serves to mire them more deeply in the cycle of busyness that has become such a status symbol in our culture. If you are not working hard, you are not needed or valuable, or are undeserving of good things, so the thinking goes. From this dysfunctional perspective, time only exists to facilitate a more desirable end, and holds no inherent value as an end of itself (as enabling one to meaningfully engage in their work, for example).

When we hollow out the very foundation of our means of participating in work, it is inevitable that we will suffer from a debilitating emptiness that leads us to question not only our relationship with what we do for a living, but to life itself. If there has been a silver lining to emerge from the pandemic, it has been the space to challenge some of the flawed assumptions that underpin our ways of working. Whether it was through the opportunities that lockdowns afforded for greater contemplation of this, or from the resolutions that have resulted in the ‘great resignation’, it seems that the value of our time is being re-evaluated with a view to being reclaimed. This provides me with some hope that more and more people will begin to re-prioritise those essential things that make for a well-lived life. Fundamentally, we know what those things are; we just need to reorient ourselves to facilitate their unfolding.  

Having this knowledge of who we are in the here and now, and where we want to go, allows us to effectively invest our time as our present moments are being lived out and savoured. By identifying what means the most to us, we can centre our attention there while laying the foundation for continued flourishing down the line. If family is what you value above all else, then nothing will bring you more joy than being engaged with your spouse and children. Sharing in these moments with them now does not just add strength to the union in the short term, it fortifies it into the future. Investing our time in this way, rather than frittering it away on what ultimately holds no importance to us is how we honour our integrity as distinct human beings.

Traditional time management techniques teach us to focus our attention on what is urgent and important. Assuming that we know what is important, it presents an incomplete model that compromises success when it is blindly followed and not thoughtfully challenged. Success in this context means happy and healthy relationships, an experience of inner peace, and an engaged and inspired work life, among other things. Time is not money if money is not something that you value. Neither is it to be spent seeking the approval of others if sanity is what we value. Time used wisely is given to self-exploration and using what we find at the deepest level of our being to serve an enriching function in the world. Our shared experience of fulfilment and significance when given to this end is, I believe, testament to a deeper form of truth that grounds this injunction.    

To enact this calling in the particular context of our life is what time, in part, has made possible. Of all the centuries in which your being could have found life, it takes form in the current time for a purpose that is paramount. Were there not a pressing need for your existence to help progress the world forward, you wouldn’t be here to read this. Your attention to this fact is a virtue that transcends any values that shape how your ego may want to orient your life for personal gain. Time is an instrumentality that only the soul knows how to use for higher purposes, and this is the mystery that the construct invites us into. Beneath the sound of a clock is a silence which speaks loudest to the heart that is receptive to its informing. Learn from there; Love from there; Bring your light to the world from there.

Observing the Veil of Time (Part 3)

As I lived in this experience at the most fundamental level, I felt such love and gratitude for the blessing of my mind and body, and the spiritual awareness that allowed me to observe their delightful dancing. Being orchestrated to perfection in their alignment, I smiled to myself knowing that in that moment there was no better place I could have been. In moments like these, I find it next to impossible to feel what it means to be bored.

With boredom being a judgmental reaction of the ego that is deprived of its addiction to excitement, this need to be consumed by something that titillates our attention takes so much away from our enjoyment of life. Representing a symptom of unconsciousness, boredom has the effect of impeding our engagement with the unfolding of life in a way that is both dysfunctional and stress inducing. Caught in the chasm that separates our reality from where we desire to be, we know not what it means to be free. Freedom in this context means being available to exercise autonomy or responsiveness to what is before us.

The love and gratitude that I felt upon perceiving the connection between my mind, body and spirit would have been absent had I given in to the temptation to be bored. By indulging this dissatisfaction, my heart would have been numbed to the presence of those blessings, and what I would have expressed emotionally would have reflected the void or lack that I perceived my circumstances to represent.

Never are we contented when we feel that we do not have enough of what we want or need. Studies have shown that people who don’t feel that they have enough time to do what they want are less happy and fulfilled than those people who believe that they have enough time in the day to do what matters to them. Time, in this respect, is very similar to money, in that levels of happiness are generally higher in members of the population who have the financial means to support their basic wants and needs.

When we feel like we don’t have enough time in the day, we do not feel in control of our own life. This leads us to suffer because in our mind we become dependent on something outside of ourselves to function effectively. Diminishing our confidence, we feel less competent, and what we produce as a result does not exhibit what we are truly capable of achieving. This, I experienced firsthand when I worked in the law, and like other lawyers, had my mode of working determined by the billable hours system. While that system has some practical utility in quantifying costs for work performed, its downside, amongst other things, is that it fractures attention in a way that tends to diminish the quality of the work performed. Some might argue that this is a necessary limitation in a busy field, and that claim has some merit, but undoubtedly it comes at a cost to the professionals who are doing the work. The degeneration of mental-health and well-being amongst lawyers in recent times is evidence of this, although the cause of these problems can’t solely be laid at the feet of the billable hours system.

What I can say from personal experience is that when I moved into academia from the law, I did feel myself becoming more creative and capable of producing what bestselling author Cal Newport describes as ‘deep work’. Removed of the constraints that too often roused the negative emotions of anxiety and self-doubt, I found myself much better able to engage with the work and those around me, which was important in establishing a sense of belonging. I have long surmised that one of the causes of depression which some lawyers experience, stems from the sense of isolation that the billable hours system, by its nature provokes. Having an artificial narrowing effect on focus towards the work to be completed on the matter that is right in front of them, the casualty of that hyper-attention or pseudo presence is the sense of connection that those lawyers feel to their colleagues and the purported systems of in-house support that surround them.