Letting Go of the Imposter Syndrome (Part 2)

If we care to reflect on why it matters so much to us to not be perceived as an imposter, we will come to see our deep longing for integrity, acceptance, competence and evolution in our personal and professional lives. No matter who we are, we want to feel that we belong in the world and are validated by it. With those whom we interact, we want to be seen for who we really are and valued at that foundational level without condition. But in order to receive that acceptance, we must meet the world with openness and be vulnerable in showing it who we authentically are. Only after we do this can we occupy a place in the world in any meaningful sense.

To languish under the weight of feeling like an imposter should be the first sign that there is a part of ourselves that we are suppressing or holding back. It might be the case that in the domain where we are experiencing this dissonance, we aren’t on purpose, occupying a role that inhibits our ability to bring our highest gifts or abilities to the world. Lacking the integrity or wholeness in being able to make this contribution, it is only natural that we will feel like we are living in someone else’s skin. As uncomfortable as this feeling is to endure for any lengthy period of time, it carries with it a powerful message that nigh is the time to replant ourselves in a garden that is more fertile in its constitution. Who are you really? When you feel the pangs of discomfort in feeling like an imposter, imagine the life of your spirit asking you this question. How you respond might just lead the imposter to retreat into the darkness.

Feeling like an imposter can also tell us a lot about our innate yearning for competence, or dare I say mastery in a domain that is meaningful to us. Whatever it is that we are involved in, for work or leisure, we want to feel that we are up to the task and won’t make a fool out of ourselves by our involvement. So how do we avoid this fate? Well, firstly we can take conscious steps to develop this competence through educating ourselves and hard work. While our native abilities are in some respects less pliable than the skills we are able to develop, we can still effect progress by applying ourselves to the task of getting better at the things we are involved in. Here, it is vitally important that we push through the inertia that the intense feelings of the imposter syndrome bring about. If we can move beyond the initial fear that wells up within us to lead us to feel helpless, we will come to see that there is a lot that is within our control to quieten these feelings of inevitable future failure.

Some of the most amazing feats of human endeavour across a number of fields have been achieved by individuals who admit to being consumed by the fear of failure. These individuals, who equated failure with losing face in front of those who looked up to them, didn’t allow this fear to paralyse them in moving towards their goals. Using it instead as a powerful form of motivation and focus, they allowed it to spur them on to heights that arguably would not have been reached if they weren’t possessed of such a fear in the first place. As admirable as this is in its own way, what shouldn’t be lost in this drive for results is the accompanying quality of the journey that is taken to get there.

Even if we allow the imposter syndrome to drive us forward to higher levels of accomplishment, we can’t escape the reality that in this process we have contaminated our present moments with high levels of stress and trepidation. With the outcome of failure not yet being escaped at the time we are doing the said activity, what still consumes our present moment experience of the doing is the concern of not measuring up to our own and others expectations. Quite simply, white-knuckling it is not an enjoyable experience. While we might make it to the end of the proverbial roller coaster ride, if our principal relief is that we managed to survive, can we really be said to have taken pleasure in the ups and downs of the ride? No matter what it is that we are involved in, I don’t think we should ever lose sight of the positive and nourishing things that we can derive from the process to getting where we want to go. Whatever it is that spurs us to get there, some things just aren’t worth being compromised on the way. So you want to learn said subject so that you can speak confidently about it to a group of employees or potential investors? Great. Why not revel in that journey of growth and discovery. If where you are currently gives expression to your calling or vocation, that path to unfolding your innate abilities and connection to what it is that you love can be one of the most rewarding things that a person can achieve personally and professionally. Trust me, I have experienced it, and seen that tasting enrich the lives of others who are living their calling.    

Letting Go of the Imposter Syndrome (Part 1)

In recent years, I have noticed the concept of imposter syndrome becoming more spoken about as leaders from business and other spheres have embraced being vulnerable with their feelings of how they handle the burden of responsibilities that are inherent in their positions. I first came across the phrase in 2014 when I was conducting my PhD research, and one of my interviewees shared that when she first moved into a prominent management position at the institution she now heads, she used to wake up feeling like a fraud who was fearful every day of being revealed as someone who was not up for the job. Since then, I have talked to many individuals (mostly women) who share similar sentiments about their capacities to excel in their chosen roles. While men have been accused of being more at ease with ‘faking it till they make it’ and overconfidence in their ability to succeed despite limited evidence of these traits, as some of them have confided, they are not immune from similar doubts creeping into their psyches and undermining their assuredness.

While the extent to which individuals will suffer from this weight varies depending on the context of their responsibilities being exercised, one thing which is guaranteed is that their wearing of this idea will have positive or negative effects on their ability to live up to the role. With this, you may be surprised that I would posit imposter syndrome is a good thing, but before I get to that, let’s briefly explore what the downsides are to having internalised that one is a pretender in hiding who could be outed at any minute by what comes out of their mouth or their behaviour suggests to others. Firstly, it is extremely difficult to function effectively when we are consumed with fear. Not only does it make us insular and unresponsive to the world around us, but it fragments our focus away from what we should be doing to what we perceive as necessary to preserve the façade of competence that we are afraid is going to be stripped away. In this sense, it is a self-fulfilling prophecy because if we believe that we don’t have what it takes to get something done, our actions will reflect that deficiency of belief. Rather than putting forth our best efforts, all that we will be able to muster is a protective energy that preserves the image that we seek to project, without engaging with what we are doing in a holistic and meaningful way.

An example of this may be in a performance meeting where a leader or manager might be going through the process of assessing a subordinate’s meeting of their performance targets (ticking the boxes, so to speak) without opening themselves up to connect with that other person at a relational and empathetic level. Many of us have had the experience of working for someone who seemed like a stranger, in the sense that we didn’t feel they understood or cared about what we were facing in our work life. While there may be many causes of this, one of the most prominent is the maintaining of a mask that one wears as ‘leader’ or ‘manager’ to not give the subordinate insight into who that person is at a core level. This in essence is the donning of a work ‘persona’, which was a concept developed by Swiss psychologist Carl Jung to refer to this and the other masks that we wear in the other domains of our life.

The problem with these masks though is that if our wearing them becomes our default position in being able to relate to people in the different spheres of our lives, it becomes exhausting. It is little wonder then that our spirits are so weary, and unable to be summoned to guide our daily interactions. What also amplifies this exhaustion is the preoccupation that we can have with how the external world perceives us. Rather than just being focused on being authentic with who we are and bringing the fullness of who we are to bear on the work that we are called to do, we fritter away our mental attention on something which may or may not be true. Sure, some individuals may be sussing you out to see if you have what it takes to do your job the right way, but for most people I feel safe in saying that their focus tends to be caught up in the minutiae their daily existence (outside any concern for how you appear). This is where the ego is often cunningly very successful in having us believe that we are the focus of others attention when we are not. Really, what should make us think that we are so important for others to be constantly judging what we do and how we do it? From this perspective, we can see how so much of the turmoil created by the imposter syndrome is self-inflicted. The good news with this however is that if we are the cause of this self–defeating belief, we also have the power to redefine it in a way that is more conducive to evolving ourselves and bringing the best of who we are to what we have been called to do.