To live from the ego is to care more about being righteously justified with our actions or having our myopic beliefs validated than being a conduit for truth, or doing good deeds that in their impact reverberate beyond the self-serving concerns of our tribe/s (how often have you heard the claim made that you need to think a certain type of way about an event in order to be on the ‘right side of history’). This is problematic on a number of fronts, not least because that attachment to being right will blind us to any errors in our worldview. What are commonly defined as ‘alternative facts’ that we can push to make the case for our ideological positioning have their roots in this denial, as the ego can’t tolerate having to face a reality that is different from the story it tells itself, and us, which we will uncritically digest to have our preferred identitarian constructions affirmed. Here, I am reminded of a Costanza-ism from one of my favourite sitcoms Seinfeld, where one of the main characters George puts forward that “it is not a lie if you believe it”.
But how grounding or mutually life enhancing is this perspective? If anyone reading this has ever seen that show, they will quickly come to realise what a dysfunctional cretin George’s character actually is, and taken outside of the realm of fictional comedy, the real-world effects of such a crooked ethic can have truly devastating consequences for vulnerable groups of people who are cast as sub-human by a dominant group that is intent on eliminating them or using them for instrumental purposes. History is replete with examples of this occurring to justify an appalling range of behaviours. For slave traders and owners to treat the people they ‘owned’ as chattel, they first had to conceive of those slaves as a lesser form of being. The same can be said of the Nazis who routinely dehumanised Jews by labelling them as ‘vermin’, ‘rats’ and ‘parasites’, or the Hutu militias, who in the Rwandan genocide commonly referred to the Tutsis as ‘cockroaches’.
Often it is the case that those who preach tolerance are the very people who are least capable of practicing it. Lying at the root of their hypocrisy is a fractured state of being that in its external manifestation will only serve to provoke opposition or exacerbate conflict. How often have you been in a discussion with someone and then the conversation goes off the rails when either they or you say something that is blatantly hypocritical? That dissonance may also involve behaviour that does not accord with one’s stated beliefs (the ‘do as I say, not as I do’ phenomena). I know in my own disagreements with other people that what will often trigger my anger away from any legitimate points they are making is when they perform mental gymnastics to claim something that benefits their argument while denying the contradiction or undermining of their previously stated position. When this occurs, what I find triggering is not that they might think differently than I do, but that they are willing to distort the truth to achieve an outcome that is favourable to them. I don’t think it would be too extreme to say that it is reprehensible for someone (including ourselves) to be willing to sacrifice the ‘capital T’ Truth that underpins reality in order to preserve the ‘small t’ subjective truth that is represented by their ideological worldview.
To have any hope of salvaging such an interaction, I would have to refrain from invoking my ego in kind and probe beyond their inconsistent logic to get at the heart of what is actually going on. While this remains challenging to accomplish as one remains a participant to a debate, an independent arbiter can fill that role and adjudicate on what the parties are putting forward. Here, we see another benefit of the centrist who by not having a proverbial dog in the fight can serve as an ally in brokering peace, or at least a common understanding between the parties that can form the basis of mutually beneficial action moving forward. As they occupy this neutral territory, they can also act as a conduit of what is fair and just between the parties. While serving in this role may command a certain level of respect because the centrist isn’t seen to have as much to gain from their involvement as the parties to the conflict, the drawback of their presence in the process is that they will inevitably draw the ire of one or both of the sides, who because of the determination made may feel a sense of diminishment or defeat. In professional sporting contests, the most abused person on the field is often the umpire, and in our working lives that same disgruntlement is often reserved for middle-managers who must serve as a go-between and reconcile the interests of the executive members of an organisation and the workers on the ground who report to them.