What can’t be forgotten is that we are interconnected creatures who exist in relationship: to each other, our work and with those whom we serve alongside, the other social domains where we experience a sense of belonging, and to the source of being itself, whether one defines that as God, spirit, the universal life force or nature. Thus, the self-care practices that we partake in, shouldn’t just nourish us in isolation, to the exclusion of those other parts of our lives that call to us to be nurtured. What imbues our self-care activities with richness, vigour and its other restorative impacts is just as much what they allow us to bring of ourselves into the world. In this respect, these activities are instrumental and much more than what they bring to us personally by our participation in them. Yes, our hot yoga sessions, journalling or time spent on holidays with loved ones may recharge our batteries, but to what ends will our replenished energies be directed towards from there?
I have a colleague at work whose outlet for self-care is gardening. Partaking in that activity is something that she feels renews her because she gets a lot of enjoyment from taking care of her plants. Not only that, but because she is giving of herself to create the right conditions for them to grow and thrive in, it is also an activity that infuses her with meaning. Some people reading this might think that sounds strange because to many of us who aren’t particularly passionate about gardening, it would seem like a chore, but for her it’s different. By her engaging in this labour of love in the garden, it not only benefits her and her plants, but also those in her team at work who she brings herself to once her time in the garden is done.
While I don’t enjoy gardening much, I can relate to how she feels about it because the activities I engage in when I am preparing to write share similar characteristics. Every day, I meditate for twenty minutes and read non-fiction material for one hour that either has some connection to a topic I am interested in, or a book I am planning to write. While I love partaking in both of these activities because of what they do for me, what really invigorates me about having them as a part of my creative process is what they facilitate for my writing; what I am able to give back to the world through something that I experience as a vocation.
With meditation, the benefits I derive are not limited to the silent stillness that re-centres me, but out of the spaciousness that is created by it comes new insights or clarity on questions I’ve been wrestling with. With this reading I do, obviously it is enriching because I have a natural interest in the content, but its attendant benefits from an artistic standpoint are that it provides some grist for my creative mill. Being exposed to others articulating similar or opposing thoughts to my own but expressing them differently has an expansive effect, not only on my vocabulary but also in my ability to express ideas with greater depth and coherency.
One of the many things that I love about writing is that it is a gift that keeps on giving. All the wonderful things I have derived from reading the work of others has informed what I have been able to give back to the world through my own work. The flow never stops from this which I think is a defining feature of healthy and life-giving forms of self-care. They are sustaining, not draining of our energy or other resources. Many of the things that we would ordinarily call vices leave us feeling empty or bereft of a part of ourselves that we perhaps were not sure we were willing to expend of ourselves or sacrifice in pursuing those activities. While they may have felt pleasurable in the moment, the experiencing of that pleasure comes at a cost, tangible or otherwise.
While the gambler experiences a dopamine kick as they put down a wager at the baccarat table, their titillating experience of the game will be tempered by the monetary loss they are likely to have endured by the time the night is over. In a similar vein, the person who is reliant on alcohol or drugs to have a good night out is destined to suffer the next day from a hangover or coming down from their high that may lead them to privately question whether their use of those substances was worth it. Even men as well as women report feeling empty and diminished in their sense of self-worth after a one-night stand that for all of its sensory gratifications carries its downsides with it as well. My intention in raising this here is not to be prudish or judgmental on these matters, but just to highlight how these types of behaviours are different in their character from the forms of self-care that I am advocating for above.
Dr. L. Christian Duperouzel 